I will not bore you with my usual wedding posts, today, I wish to address an issues that has been discussed over the decades. MARRIAGE.
So, what is marriage? The dictionary defines it as a legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship. Does this union of two people happen to unwilling partners? Is it forced on anyone? (I want to believe we are past that age where African girls were forced into marriage) I believe people get into marriage for the most obvious of reasons; they are in love. They want to spend the rest of their life together. They are sure that the person they are marrying is indeed their soulmate!
The most disheartening thing is that even after having all these reasons, some marriages still don’t work. People grow apart, some separate and others eventually divorce. It could be because people got into marriage for all the wrong reasons, for money, for image, to please their parents, etc… of course if that is the case then this is bound to fail at some point.
I however want to focus on the marriages that do end well. The ‘happily ever after’ type. Yes, I believe in those. What makes such marriages work? Do marriages work? These are questions I usually get from young brides. They forget I’m only a wedding planner and I don’t know much about marriage, in fact, I probably know as much as you do. I do believe a marriage can work; it can work when both parties want it to work.
I look at marriage as having a child (funny). Not because I have a child but I have imagined what it would be like if I had one. I would protect and nurture that child, love and care for him/her, I would do everything and anything I could to make sure my child grows and has the best that life can offer. I would push that child to become the best version of themselves, encourage him/her to achieve all he/she sets out to be. That is the kind of mother i would wish to be.
Marriage is a child that is gifted to you too. You have to love it, want the best for it and work hard at making it work. I think sometimes, when we are with someone, even in a relationship, we forget to appreciate our partners for the good we saw in them. We start to focus on all the wrong things they do, we start to hate them a little every day, we see them as burdens, we totally forget that we are in this for love and companionship. I don’t think any mother out there focuses on the bad habits their children poses, we encourage them in a loving way to drop them, we tell them how those habits will affect their lives, we still love that child and even pray for them. It is the same approach that marriage needs… love, understanding, honesty, tenderness, a positive attitude and a firm foundation in God.
I’m not saying marriage is that easy, I wouldn’t know anyway. I just tend to think that it is a beautiful thing. I believe that marriage works, I feel a little sad when people always tell me not to look forward to getting married. It can’t be that bad! There must be some good in marriage so we should stop attacking marriage.
We focus on all the marriages that are falling apart, we discuss them even on our radios, blogs, everywhere, but we never celebrate those that have stood the test of time, those that have lasted even after the kids are all grown up and married themselves. Those that are built on trust and honesty, marriages that have been tested and tried by all forms of trials and yet, they stood. Why don’t we talk about these?
Every time I think of these marriages, I smile at those young brides and tell them it will be A-OK. It will be okay because they are marrying their friend, they are going to encourage their partners to be the best person they can be, they are going to grow and learn together, hand in hand and in a loving and gentle way. They are going to think of the vows they made in church, and they are going to be praying for God to teach them patience, love, tenderness and unconditional forgiveness.
What if we took a few minutes every day just to be grateful for the little things that seem to work in our marriages? Appreciate those days your husband comes home early just to be with you, appreciate your wife when she goes out of her comfort zone and cooks you that ‘hard to pronounce’ Spanish meal. Smile genuinely when your spouse calls just to tell you they love you. What if we actually chose to see the good in marriage?
Are there any good things in your marriage you would love to celebrate? Share with us and we will celebrate with you.